couldn't find my peace.

started this day with great effort to put a smile on my face.
it's not that i'm sad today or anything, it's just that i really want to have a better day than yesterday.

before the day ended, i let my stupid pride get in the way.

no matter how i try to rationalize it, no matter how effortlessly i make this guy easy to hate, there is still this nagging feeling deep within me that's saying i've done something wrong.

it's as easy as this:

he's naggy, self-absorbed, RUDE, mean, annoying, REALLY HARD to get along with, (EMO but won't admit it), he pushes your limits, he intentionally wants you to be mean to him, he's sometimes touchy in a slightly creepy way, and just.. urgh. it's so hard to be decent with this guy.

BUT THE THING IS...

i'm still in control over my emotions.

I know there's always bias with blog writers. we all (as humans) tend to appear the protagonist of our own stories (like, duh?), and as much as i wanna build up my name and say, "hey! i'm right! and he's just wrong, period!" i only sound stupid to me. i created this web space to vent out ALL emotions i have right now and that entails not lying to myself. the truth is always liberating after all.

to my ... (he's not an enemy, but not exactly a friend)

to YOU.

i apologize for being too absorbed with my emotions that i neglected to see the events that have happened. it was really dumb of me to let my pride get in the way of fixing whatever small argument we had. it was only a scissor after all. but that was not the point. the point was i made a mistake and i could not admit making a dumb mistake that is actually not of great significance, had i just apologized and let it pass.

though i must admit, i am not numb to not get offended with the way you've been acting. you are really rude and obnoxious, and it's really offending. i tried to understand you, then i misunderstood you, and now i cannot by the slightest bit comprehend you. I believe in every person's complexity. i do. BUT YOURS IS JUST TOO INTRICATE!

look, i'm sorry. i'm angry at what you are doing, i really am. but in the slightest bit i pray we'd still find a way to get along.. after all, i can still recall the first few weeks we met, it was quite easy to like you. i don't know what happened, but i hope whatever friendship i thought we had could still be revived.

i'm really sorry.


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2:55am

don't wanna sleep anymore. :p

hahaha!

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Lord Almighty,

create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me...