the art of SHUTTING UP

the little things you do to me are taking me over
i want to show you everything inside of me
like a nervous heart that is crazy beating
my feet is stuck here against the pavement
i wanna break free, i wanna make it
closer to your eyes, catch your attention
before you pass me by...

back up, back up, take another chance
don't you mess up, mess up,
i don't wanna lose you
wake up, wake up, this aint just a thing
that you give up, give up
don't you say that i'd be better off, better off
sitting by myself and wondering
better off, better off without you, boy...


Isn't it ironic how lonesome people, the kind who stray away from people, are the ones IN NEED of people to care for them? hehe. There is this thing we call silence in the "Therapeutic Communication" we took up in nursing one time. The concept is that you are to simply sit with the patient in silence, and this already brings comfort to them. This gestrure, the "silence" works like this: the nurse shuts up and waits for the patient to be comfortable to say something. If the patient doesn't say anything, that's fine too. The nurse just stays there, as a gesture of "offering of self"... This gesture is somewhat saying, "hey, i'm right here if you need someone to talk to" without actually saying so. The "not speaking" makes the offering of self more genuine.

It kind of works like a tap on the back, or when you hld someone's hand, or when you hug someone... or when someone hugs you... no words. Just pure silence... allowing the hearts to speak with each other, the spirits to connect, and the soul to encourage each other with the message that says, "you are not alone"...

Yet being alone is nice though. It makes you think. It makes you reflect. But what if you just need a piece of advice, some words of wisdom and encouragement to help you get through with all the mess you've gone through, and there's just ABSOLUTELY NO ONE you can turn to?

I know this is a lie. hehe! It's just that I feel like the sincerity of people who are only "trying to help" is sometimes questionable... "The heart is deceitful of all things... who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17) That's why silence works best at times. BUT SOMETIMES silence is also not helpful because there's just SOMETHING I want to hear, and I don't have any idea what that "something" might be, and yet no one, no one, NO ONE is there to say these words to me! T_T

Sometimes, or most of the time, i wish God Himself would come down from heaven and just touch me, heal me piece by piece, and clean me all squeaky and shiny... PHYSICALLY COME DOWN and really be with me. I KNOW why this will never happen, well, not now anyway, but I just can't help but whine and ask and pray that this wish of mine would come true! haha! i'm so freaking lost right now i really have no idea what the hello i should do with my life...

...a phase. i know. a phase. i am undergoing a phase...
one day i am gonna go back to this experience and say,

(silence)

...well, i'm gonna say something, someday...
...but not today. nope. nothing for today.